


Above the Thunder

by freddiejoey



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-23 06:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freddiejoey/pseuds/freddiejoey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Has Benedicta's ghost finally been laid to rest?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Above the Thunder

Part One

When Llud was a child, when the Romans still ruled, he once saw a tight rope walker in a busy market town that he visited with his father. Tightrope walking was a popular spectacle at public gatherings in those days. In fact he can still remember that the Latin word for "tightrope walker" was "funambulus." And that is how he has felt recently- as if he is a newly minted funambulus, staring down at the wire to make sure that he has the proper footing, desperate not to fall. Except that, he is not any sort of acrobat: simply the concerned father of two sons stumbling, faltering step by step, back to normality after the onslaught of Princess Benedicta. Appropriate then that his analogy has Latin roots since that bitch too had been Roman………

Actually this idea that they are all remain poised, ready to plunge into some sort of abyss, is strange in some respects. The Yuletide ruckus in the stables and its aftermath seems to have exorcised more than those dratted fragments of blue cloth, so cannily flung by Kai into the flames. Suffice it to say, that he has rarely slept in his own bed for the past few weeks……… and that, most mornings, when coming home to break his fast, he whistles cheerfully outside the door, bestows loud boisterous greetings upon the door sentries. Otherwise he might just walk in on something……. well, not exactly meant for fatherly eyes………..

If it wasn’t for the scabbing scalp wound, still mending under Arthur’s cropped hair, then everything might be said to be back to the everyday……….virtually. There are just a few things……..hard to put his finger on really (particularly a finger of his silver hand.) Kai is certainly smiling again, making village maiden hearts thud a little harder, humming to himself as he binds his axe. So, all good, all mended, you might think. Why then does he believe that his elder son is tiptoeing a bit too carefully around his younger? That, despite the obvious reconciliatory…….. activities that are taking place, something important remains undeclared, unresolved?

Arthur too seems happy. Laughing readily, joking with Lenni as she works, openly tender towards his brother when only the three or four of them are together in the longhouse. Nothing too unusual about that either – despite outward appearances, Arthur is not always formal and practical. It is not only his mother’s beautiful dark hair and blue eyes he has inherited – but her passion, her tenacity, her infinite capacity for love……

Here Llud sternly pulls himself up short – enough of those memories for one morning…… No, again it is nothing substantial or patent that makes him vaguely uneasy – rather……… no, Llud cannot name it, he – and his twitching nose - are simply certain that it is there, lurking below the surface, ready to topple the delicate balance of their defences……

Nothing to provide him with a clue, give credence to his anxiety as he enters the longhouse now after going through his accustomed routine : whistling some bawdy tune his father used to sing when merrily drunk, greeting Amren and Beda at the door as if they were his long-lost kin. Kai looks up with a dazzling smile, Arthur wishes him a buoyant good morning – although he need not have been quite so strident outside since Lenni is already laying out a bowl and spoon for him on the table. So, everything smooth, calm, customary…………?

Perhaps, Llud reflects, taking a mouthful of very warm, very welcome pottage, it is only all the turmoil of the past few years that makes him look for omens when there are really none. The ferocity of the challenge with Garet and Gawain as audience, bloody Goda, poor dead Roland and his medallion, Cerdig and his diseased sheep and goats, blasted Eithna, fucking Benedicta…….. Maybe it is simply that he needs a quiet life now, some definite plans, a few certainties……. There does come a time ………

Which is why he should be extremely pleased when the messenger comes from Yorath just after midday. Arthur takes the parchment and reads through it swiftly, passing it over to Kai. “Yorath has had trouble with the Picts – but nothing too irksome. Those new stallions are fully broken and he’s sending them along next week……. Oh, and Rowena is coming for a visit.” The last said in an almost offhand fashion, as if it is of little consequence.

Llud looks up quickly, but Arthur is preparing a return missive for Yorath, busily scribbling. Asking Kai his opinion about one or two matters. Throwing a question across to Llud. Even as he answers, Llud feels saddened. As he suspected then, Arthur’s ardour for the Jutish princess has cooled. Probably why his younger son was so flattered to become the Roman bitch’s plaything.

A great pity. Llud sighs silently. It would have been a good match and useful strategically. Rowena already knows…….. everything there is to know and has long been reconciled to it. Rather try and prevent the coming of the snows or the winter floods. ……… They could have been happy together in their own way and there would have eventually been children………. Somehow the wind seems colder than it did earlier as he crosses to the stables……….. he must still need the thicker woollen cloak he had thought to discard a few days ago…….

If you were to ask Kai whether he has been happy recently, his answer would be a resounding yes and the delicious grin that often makes even toothless great-grandmothers go weak in their knobbly arthritic knees. A few months ago he had thought the best he could do was travelling south, offering his sword arm to Mark, leaving his home forever – even though he knew it would break not only his own heart but Llud’s. If Arthur had married Benedicta however, it would have been his only choice.

Being merely brothers – well, it still would have been disagreeable, knowing that behind that pretty face was nothing but disdain for their way of life, overweening pride, patrician pretension. Knowing that sooner, rather than later, his little brother would be left deeply unhappy, regretting his rash flirtation. What then to feel when it was the love of his life? The person he loves more than he has ever found a way to say? There had been an old proverb that Lenni’s mother Ana had been fond of quoting – something about true love burning the brightest, but the brightest flames leaving the deepest scars? No more trustworthy words had ever been inscribed……..

Since the Yule affray however………. well, if someone says he has stopped smiling, they are simply a bald-faced liar. And not only on account of what is happening each time Llud finds it politic to be elsewhere at night – (although even he is amazed at what revelatory feats Arthur seems capable of achieving lately with his dextrous fingers, his silken lips, his frisky tongue, his spry throbbing cock……….)

No, far more than that – it is the stolen honeyed kisses behind the stable door, the breathless whispered “I love you’s”, the falling asleep warm in each other’s arms…….

Yet, if you were to ask Kai if he was content, there might be the slightest hesitancy……. Contentment implies ease, surety, certainty………and somehow……

Not that he doubts Arthur’s sincerity or resolve – he is quite confident that Benedicta’s ensnarement has been almost irrevocably severed. It is simply that his little brother seems too…….. frenetic, overly busy perhaps…….. Often gone from their bed long before he wakes in the morning……. Of course, Arthur has always had a multitude of irons in the fire – probably he is fretting about nothing……

Why then did he pause last night and hold his breath when an owl called twice outside the longhouse bedroom? He knows the ancient superstition as well as anyone - to hear an owl hoot three times in succession is a sign of very bad luck. Generally he scorns such folklore. And what had he to fear? In the candlelight Arthur was smiling at him impatiently –and displaying rampant prolific impatience somewhere else as well……. “Kai, my heart, hurry up, or things may go awry……”

So, all in all, he is undoubtedly being ridiculous. If it wasn’t for Arthur’s shorn hair and that stubborn wound which seemed to be taking longer than usual to heal (the fanciful or the pious would say as a reproach), then it would be almost as if Benedicta had never blighted their lives……almost……

This morning Kai is smiling as he circles the bedroom, finding his axe, his spare shirt and breeches, his half-boots. He is glad Rowena is coming and she has been up north with Yorath, so knows nothing about grisly Benedicta. Yes, high time to stifle the last of that Roman fury’s venomous sway, time for everything to finally tumble back into its accustomed place ………..

He looks up as Arthur comes in, striding – but then he never seems to be other than striding these days……. “ I’ve got my gear. I’ll move it up to…..” Kai stops, surprised by his brother’s frown. “No need for that – Rowena can stay in the guest quarters and anyway, I don’t believe she’ll be here long.” Arthur brushes his lips across Kai’s tousled blonde head and is then gone again, calling some admonitory instruction to one of the door sentries……….

Left alone, Kai sits down slowly on his bed. Something is wrong. When Rowena visits, he and Llud have always engaged themselves elsewhere. Traditionally it has become his time to……… womanize (although truth be told, it has been quite a while since he has even thought about dallying casually with a woman or felt the urge to.) And it is certainly not this loss which concerns him now.

No, it is the fact that before, Arthur would have discussed such a shift in his feelings toward the Jutish princess – but not a word has been uttered recently. It is his little brother’s unceasing industry. My hope, Kai thinks with an inward sigh, that if all goes well with Rowena, if everything can simply go back to the way it was before, then Benedicta’s exorcism will be complete…….

Kai is still sitting, deep in restless thought, when he hears it resonating faintly from the woods beside the river ….. Three eerie low howls, winging across the water in broad daylight……. It can’t be – he is mistaken – they never call while the sun blazes……But, as the ice prickles at his nape, Kai knows that he has heard rightly – the owl has hooted three times……..

Part Two

Rowena rides in around midday, accompanied by her attendants, smiling at Kai and Llud, looking around for Arthur who is nowhere to be seen. Kai comes to take her saddle bags, chewing on his lip. They are not bound for the longhouse……. With a sigh of relief, he sees Arthur hurrying from the store hut – probably just delayed by one of the village’s inveterate gripers ……….. Sliding from her horse, Rowena looks up at Arthur, lithe lean body clad in his black leathery shirt and tight dark breeches, short thick hair tufting across his head in a shining ebony nimbus. He is breathtaking, muses Kai - despite the formidable line of that beautiful mouth……..

Some of the villagers are smiling knowingly at the Jutish princess, relieved at her reappearance. They had generally detested Benedicta and the very real prospect of her becoming their chieftain’s wife – Roman patrician disdain was never going to be popular in a rough-hewn Celtic village…….. Arthur comes to an emphatic halt a few feet away, hands behind his back clenching the sheathed knife hanging from his sword belt. “Rowena.”

Laughing, she reaches up to ruffle his cropped head. “Whatever happened to you?” He smiles stiffly. “Too much mead at Yuletide and a stumble in the stables……. You’ll be staying up in the guest quarters.” Kai wonders if he is the only one who sees the icy frost sparkling in the air around his little brother, defying the warm spring sunshine. Good thing then that Llud is beaming, arm around Rowena’s waist, murmuring that she is so much more than welcome, it has been far too long since the longhouse has seen her pretty face…..

That night at supper Rowena wonders how long it will be before she actually shreds into tears of exasperation – and bottomless rage. Llud has been fatherly as usual and Kai has made her laugh so much that it hurts and Lenni has again tried to teach her how to cook adequately with no success. All lovely – but somehow not enough any more. For the rest, Arthur has largely ignored her - although occasionally, she has been spoken to as if she was one of his soldiers.

Now the stupid man is sitting, frowning into the distance, making a circular motion in the rushes with the toe of his boot - and she is becoming so weak with love and desire that soon she will simply fall down on to the longhouse floor and start licking it, muddy leather and all. I do know about your ensnarement by that fucking Roman bitch, she wants to scream at him, but I am not her and I refuse to be branded as her kindred just because we both happen to possess breasts and a twat. If that is the cause of your indifference toward me………….

When Arthur finally rises, with a curt smile, and announces that he is walking Rowena back to the guest quarters, Kai is flooded by relief. He is not sure that he has any more banter in his verbal repository…….. Llud has pointedly indicated that he intends to sleep in his own bed for once so maybe it would be prudent…….. and even nudge his little brother gently back into comforting old habits………. Besides, it will be a distraction from the still unsettling memory of this morning’s thrice hooting owl…….

Her hut is set square against the eastern palisade : Ceridwen, a young widow with a small son who has long cast covetous glances in his direction……… Small, creamy-skinned, a wealth of wavy copper hair……. Moreover she is soon to go south and marry one of Mark’s men……. there will be no mare’s nest of recriminations.

It is all very nice. She flutters as Kai’s mouth brushes hers, quavers as it slides down her neck, shudders as it skims across the top of her taut breasts. Then Kai slowly runs his tongue across each plump nipple………. He has certainly lost none of his ability to tantalise and please – she comes more times than that cursed owl hooted.

And, when he stands at her door, watching the sun rise in a burst of scarlet flame above the river, he knows that he has definitely done this for the very last time: make love to a woman when the only allurements are rosy and rounded and pink-tipped. Where the affection is only momentary and the tenderness fleeting. If one day there could somehow be more……… friendship, intimacy, a kind of love, then perhaps….. But he cannot see a way……and his heart has already been surrendered long ago, for all time, never fading, evermore and a day………

Therefore he gives up the past without regret, without compunction - tossing it, like a drift of silken feathers, into the soft dawn wind…………

Returning to the longhouse, Kai half-expects stony-faced reproaches – especially as it is blatantly obvious that Arthur has spent the night in the longhouse bedroom alongside Llud. Yet there are none – just a sleepy smile, a whispered “Welcome home, my heart”, a kiss that bruises his lips with fire when Llud is turned away scrabbling in his clothes chest……….

It is a busy morning. The warning system on the western ridge needs repair and Kai escapes up there, grateful to evade Rowena’s wide red-rimmed eyes. Arthur has taken her riding, albeit still grim-mouthed. Surely though…….. He is certain that his little brother has always been more than fond of her…….damm Benedicta to hell…… She made the world pitch and heave in such measure that it has yet to settle – and Saxon blood or no, he is still the worst sailor with a beating heart………

Llud is still out in the fields when Kai returns to the village so he shares the midday meal with Lenni, glad of her quiet familiar presence. At least some things remain unchanged…….. Giddy with delight to have to himself in her hut, Lenni hands him a bowl of fowl and buttery bannock, shivering as his smooth bard’s fingers brush hers. “So.” She signs, smiling, trying not to gape at the way those gleaming white teeth attack the chicken bone……. “Poor Rowena may need this if Arthur has attempted anything today.” Kai glances over curiously at what Lenni has placed on the table and bursts out laughing. White willow salve – the traditional remedy for frost bite.

Then his brown eyes darken. “Something’s wrong Lenni but I can’t….. Arthur has always liked Rowena or rather more…….. Fucking Benedicta. Would that she was at the bottom of the ocean.” For a moment, Lenni looks thoughtful – it is, after all, one of the easiest of charms, stirring a tempest in a foreign sea…… But, maybe not warranted now…… Lenni tilts her dark head to one side, considering. “Yet your adornments seem dipped in sunshine – and your heart.” Kai grins. “Yes, as far as we are concerned……..” Her gesture is made impulsively, before she has time to fully think. “Even though you visited Ceridwen’s hut last night.” - and Lenni blushes a sweet pretty crimson in horror at her impetuosity. She should not show that she had noticed. He will think her quite moonsick……….

Yet it is actually much much worse……. Glad to have a trustworthy confidant, Kai tells her about the decision he had reached at daybreak……….

The tears threaten to whittle her soul to silvers. So it is all one great jeering contemptuous lie – there is no reward for the patient, no recompense for the stoical……..Always, she has somehow thought that if only she was sufficiently forbearing, calmly endured all the bewitching Leesas and exotic Eithnas and beguiling Godas, that her just deserts would eventually arrive since one day he must surely see…… An abundance of good things come to those who wait it was commonly said – but no, waiting was really only for poor besotted fools like her who instead would be left with empty arms and barren bellies…….

Getting up to leave, Kai puts an arm around Lenni’s shoulders, thanking her for the meal and the company, for listening and understanding. She keeps her eyes downcast, determined not to break……. Longing overcomes discretion. “Don’t you ever want a wife and children of your own one day?” Hoping he does not notice how violently her fingers tremble……. Kai smiles sadly. “Perhaps…..I think it would have been nice, especially as I have no blood kin of my own……But you know how matters will always stand Lenni……..Where would I ever find a woman that generous?” And he clucks her under the chin and ducks through the doorway.

It is rage that actually sustains Lenni until Kai is outside, all blonde and beautiful and forever lost to her in the spring sunshine. Rage at her own cowardice in waiting so long, at his bloody long-standing obtuseness – for the first time ever her fingers itch to wallop his handsome golden head………

Part Three

Arthur and Rowena arrive back during the early afternoon. From his little brother’s bleak expression and Rowena’s welling eyes, Kai knows at once that no white willow will be necessary for the Jutish princess – a potion of cloves and mint perhaps, the traditional remedy for a broken heart……….

Hard on their heels comes a scout who has been guarding the river valley. There is an armed party moving on the edges of Arthur’s land – Celts he thinks, maybe Dirk’s or Hereward’s men on their way to the coast to do trading. The Greek trader is due back some time soon and its sailors have been known to set up an open-air market down on the estuary. Still, better to be cautious.

By the time, the messenger has finished, Arthur is already calling for his horse again. Kai lays a hand on his arm. “I’ll go. Rowena…….” He gets no further. Arthur gives him a narrow smile, brushes his warm fingers across his brother’s nape, under Kai’s wind-tousled hair. “Everything is as it must be. It won’t change by my presence……” For a heartbeat, Arthur seems to sway on his feet and Kai tightens the grip of his hand. “Are you alright? You’ve gone pale. Stay here – I’ll fetch Lenni.” Arthur leans forward so his lips are against Kai’s ear. “There’s nothing wrong. I love you my Kai. I’ll be back tomorrow.” “I love you too little brother……” But Arthur is already gone, striding again, swinging determinedly on to horseback – and Kai’s words are whispered to the sun motes dancing in the empty air…..

Rowena reappears for the evening meal, silent and sodden, while Lenni too is unaccountably grim. Kai is extremely relieved when he can get away with the excuse of patrolling the enclosure – the balmy spring air is calming on his flushed cheeks. When he is finished and lingers, leaning on the palisade in the pearly moonlight, he is not surprised to hear Llud’s firm footfalls behind him, feel their father’s steadying hand on his shoulder.

‘So, are you going to tell you what’s wrong with your brother?” Sighing, Kai tilts his head back to gaze at the pale crescent moon. “I would if I knew exactly…… but he’s said nothing to me yet.” Llud frowns. “You and he are………alright aren’t you?” With relief, he sees the flash of his elder son’s infectious grin. “Much much better…..” The frown reappears. “Then what…..?” Suddenly sober, Kai looks out at the silvery river. “There’s something - it’s…….like when I loosened the kirthara’s strings at Yuletide – the tune is still there, but it’s off-pitch, jarring. Arthur is never still recently, never seems to halt, and now this business with Rowena……..”

Llud is quiet for a moment and then murmurs what they are both thinking. “You believe it is still business concerning Benedicta?” Kai turns to their father, eyes dark with passion. “What else? I know we’ve come through this type of madness before. My moonsickness with cursed Goda and then bloody Eithna……” Despite himself, Llud smiles. “Oh Kai, it’s hardly the same thing. Your brother is far more headstrong than you and impossibly obstinate. You would have been bored with Goda after one day and Eithna may have lasted two – if the gods were smiling on her. Then you would have admitted your mistake and made what amends were necessary. I know that because you’re going to need far more than a pretty face to keep your interest my son. But Arthur – well, he might be residing in hell with Benedicta and still be far too proud to confess his error.”

Kai feels their father’s arm tighten around his shoulders as Llud continues softly. “I’ve always liked Rowena, nothing to do with her worth as a Jute princess – and I always thought Arthur loved her in his way.” Furrowing his forehead, Kai nods. “Yes Llud, I’m certain he did…….does, and if he had good reason for behaving as he is – then, of course, we would placate Yorath, do whatever was required……” Llud’s tone grows even more quiet. “You do know that you have always been more than enough for him don’t you?” Not for the first time, Kai wonders if Llud is truly aware of how deeply he is loved…… “As he will always be for me…… and in a perfect world that would be all…….”

Biting his lip, Kai continues in a low intense voice. “But as you told Corin once long ago, we don’t live in paradise. We have worked so hard for years to forge treaties, establish alliances – blood has flowed and friends have died. When he was trying to make a pact with Cerdig, Arthur said that he wants to take the weapons out of the village boys’ hands and send them back to play in the forest. That he wants war to be only a memory kept alive by children’s games with wooden swords. Well, what happens to all the worthy intentions, all the hard work if Arthur doesn’t have a child of his own? Who inherits his dream? His squabbling kinsmen? Do we want some hot-headed son of Mark’s or some imbecilic offspring of Garet or Gawain’s lording it in our longhouse, shattering the Celtic alliance into fragments within a season?”

Pausing to take a breath, Kai glances at Llud and sees that his father’s lips are twitching in amusement. He grins back in bemusement. “What?” Llud shakes his grizzled head, smiling again. “No truer words were ever spoken……. but when did you become so wise?” Kai’s grin widens. “I’ve been learning from my wily old father for years.” Cuffing him gently, Llud wonders, not for the first time, if Kai is truly aware how completely he is loved…….. “Not so much of the old…… Alright, we can put our heads together tomorrow and see what needs to be done…….. For now, I am going to say goodnight to Lenni who seems a little disgruntled and perhaps you could do the same for Rowena…….”

Knocking tentatively on the door of the guest quarters Kai hears a loud sniffle from inside, followed by a muffled snuffle – and then Rowena appears. She gives a watery smile. ‘Oh Kai, come in. I’m just…….” He notices Rowena’s neatly packed saddle bags at once and looks more concerned about her in that moment than Arthur has for the whole time she has been there. “I’m sorry that you’re leaving early.” If I meet his eyes I will start crying, Rowena tells herself sternly, and then I will be even angrier at myself than I am at his brother. “Oh these things happen. And sometimes it’s for the best – if something’s not meant to be…” And no-one has mentioned the overweening Roman witch, so I cannot either…….

Now her throat is so tight that swallowing is impossible. Suddenly everything is blurred and Rowena drops whatever it is she has in her fumbling hands. Very gently Kai straightens what needs straightening and on impulse she reachs up and covers his mouth with her own. It’s delicious - lucky girl, whoever the spice of the season happens to be. Leesa I think the name of the last one was. (Arthur made some joke about her having three eyes one night during my last visit, although she clearly only has two, both brown and beautiful.) Lucky Arthur too some part of me acknowledges, no wonder he………But no matter. To hell with him.

Pulling back her shoulders, Rowena smiles at Kai who appears a little startled. “I’m sorry for doing that…..actually no I’m not. Thank you for everything Kai. You and Llud are the kindest men I know. I’m going to miss you.” Clearing his throat nosily, Kai gives an awkward cough. “As we will all miss you. If there is anything…….” His voice trails away uncertainly. Sadly, Rowena shrugs her shoulders. “No…… and I think this has simply been coming for a long time…….. the blowing hot and cold, will and will not, rising and falling (and let us not examine that one too closely.) In the end, I want more of the tenderness and less of the practicality. I want my heart to remain safe.”

Opening his mouth to make some sort of appropriate reply - although he has no idea what – Kai is interrupted by Lenni coming in, bringing warm mead – and her warm smile. He sighs silently in relief. Good – no better comfort than what Lenni can offer….. “Well, I’ll go back to the longhouse. Good night Rowena.” Kai bends down to Lenni. “Thank you. You’re always so generous.”

The mere mention of that word….. his earnest query from earlier today: “Where would I ever find a woman that generous?” It has been an endless exhausting day -Lenni is almost too weary to stand. And all to do again tomorrow – and the day after and the one after that – a whole lifetime of unceasing self-same days ahead unleavened by hope…….. Never before in all his life has Kai been bundled so quickly or firmly through a door at the hands of such a ferocious woman…….

Rowena and her attendants have not been long gone the next morning when Llud returns early from the fields, looking worried. “There’s a tempest coming in from over the estuary, beyond the flat rock. One of those spring gales that blow in sometimes from the north – and make their way inland. Tell Rowena and her party to delay their departure at least until tomorrow. It’s not safe.” Kai feels the fine hairs along his nape bristling. ‘But they’ve already left – an hour ago, maybe two.” Llud curses stoutly and remounts his skittish horse. “Alright. I’ll see if I can catch up with them and bring them back – or at least seek some shelter. They won’t know the landmarks and that storm will be here by noon. I should have known it was on its way - the owl has been calling thrice in the day, ever a sure harbinger. ”

He turns the horse’s head toward the palisade gate – then looks around again. “Oh, I saw your brother a little while ago out near the forest. It was just a party of Dirk’s men passing through on their way to Cornwall. I haven’t told him about Rowena – I’ll leave that to you. But he should be here soon – he was only riding up to repair the warning system on the western ridge.” Llud knees his horse into a gallop, as Kai stands for a moment, staring at the gathering ebony clouds beyond the river, fine hairs now burning. No doubt, Llud will find Rowena – he is acquainted with all the backwoods paths and byways. But Arthur has no need to be anywhere near the western ridge with such a squall imminent – Llud may not know that the warning system has already been mended but Arthur certainly does. Kai did the work himself and told his little brother so…….

Something is terribly, grossly wrong…….. as it has been for weeks. He should have trusted his own heart more, been more mindful of Arthur’s…….Head pounding with anxiety, Kai rides in the opposite direction from Llud, out toward the estuary, out into the west toward Arthur and the tempest……….

The grey icy rampart of wind and water thrashes him as he reaches the estuary. Freezing cold, teeth chattering, shivering violently, drenched hands clumsy on the reins, Kai looks frantically around for some sign of his little brother. A few leagues behind him is the western ridge – but there is nothing there except the neatly refurbished warning system. And ahead, nothing but the cliffs……..

Flinging an arm across his forehead to block the stinging rain, Kai gazes below him as his horse dances skittishly near the cliff edge. Churning savagely like a cauldron, the granite-coloured sea pounds and seethes, walls of wolfish waves assailing the flat rock from all directions. Wheeling his horse he gallops on, looking around frantically for a glimpse of Arthur’s blue cloak, his raven head, his white horse……..

And, suddenly, it is almost atop him – hurtling out of the leaden tumult like a deranged ghost, ivory mane and tail flaying, ivory eyes wild with ferment………. Bran – the beloved animal that Arthur would never ever put at risk - so where the devil is he?

Kai ruthlessly knees his horse forward, straight into the whirling kernel of the squall, straight to the rim of the cliff…… Without warning the horse rears maniacally, hooves capering above empty spinning air, leaping backwards in frenzied fright. Heart racing, Kai looks downwards into the dizzying abyss, onto the skeletal crumbling chalk………..

There, billowing from a twisted sapling, is Arthur’s oh-so-familiar blue cloak……..below, the ashen brutal waves lash and jeer……………..and, all at once, choking, breaking, shattering, he knows……

Part Four

Convulsed by racking sobs, Kai slips from horseback, kneeling in the sodden mud, heedless of the scourging rain, the hammering wind, the frigid cold……… He has failed so utterly, to protect enough, shield enough, love enough…….. If only…… There have been glaring auguries that he has chosen to ignore or overlook………and it is so often weary men who suffer misadventures and tragedy………..

“Arthur.” He screams his little brother’s name into the silver void, hearing the echo ring back from the frothing flat rock, around the fuming estuary. ……….

“Kai?” – it is a faint indistinct cry, spiralling upwards from the eroding cliff-face, whorling within seemingly desolate grey air……..

With a resounding bellow of affirmation, Kai flings himself back against the edge of the abyss, brown eyes searching wildly through the needling rain, sweeping the dizzying chasm. And then, in the next wondrous heartbeat, his knees are weak with gratitude, his throat wrung by joy, his body suffused by love………..

There, a few feet below, under a rough overhang, obscured by a tangle of thrashing undergrowth and clinging to a gnarled stump, is his little brother………

Weeping with relief, Kai leans out, extends his trembling hand, feels Arthur clasp it - solid, tangible, real – and hauls…….. They land in a slithering muddied heap, clutching and whimpering, so chilled to the bone now that every limb is stiff and numb, further unnerving Kai’s already rattled horse.

Heaving Arthur on to horseback, he swings up behind him, desperately thinking. They need shelter to wait out the tempest, somewhere dry, a warm fire….. Arthur sits slumped against him, breathing heavily, shivering spasmodically, cropped dark hair plastered to his scalp – and that wound is not yet fully healed. But there may be a place……

Thundering down toward the wind-whipped beach, Kai tries frantically to remember. A year and a half ago, while Arthur and Llud were busy breaking up Rowena’s betrothal to Mark, he had enjoyed a short dalliance with Elin, a local fisherman’s daughter. She had told him about a cavern in the estuary rocks where her father and his friends kept spare nets, kindling and supplies, in case of trouble with the fishing fleet at sea. He and Elin had planned to visit there one languorous afternoon - yet somehow it had never happened before Arthur come roaring home, quandaries snapping at his heels. Now, Kai looks anxiously across the stormy sands…..if he is right……it should be……..

There! A furrowed opening in the cliff, daubed with a bright red cross for ready identification. A refuge, a haven, a sanctuary. Limp with thankfulness, Kai knees his horse gently forward into the dusky bolthole, Arthur cradled against his heart…….

By the time he has the fire burning steadily, some dried meat warming, some rather vinegary ale poured, both he and Arthur have at least stopped quavering from the cold. Their drenched clothes are steaming in the heat of the flames. They sit huddled together, wrapped in rough, prickly, somewhat malodorous blankets – that nevertheless feel like the finest silk, made lustrous by luck and benediction and love…..

Kai brushes his lips softly across his little brother’s wet tufts of short black hair. “So, do you want to tell me what you were thinking – making up some story for Llud, coming out here to the estuary with a storm brewing – I presume to have some quiet time to yourself - being so weary that you misjudged your horse’s footing, almost killing yourself and Bran in the process?” Arthur opens his mouth as if to offer some rational explanation – then suddenly covers his face with both hands and starts to weep……

He can only discern every second or third word between moaning sobs, as he holds Arthur tight within his encircling arms, his own eyes burning with shimmering salt – but gradually Kai understands and silently condemns Benedicta to hell again…… “Not worthy of…… Llud…….Rowena……… the village…..being their leader…….. and of you………especially of you…….”

Sighing, Kai pulls Arthur closer, savagely kissing his forehead. Ordinarily the whole Benedicta episode might have been ascribed to the sort of summer-in-winter delirium that seems able to overcome the most commonsensical at times. How else to explain his escapades with Goda and Eithna but momentary derangement? Indeed it could be that everyone was destined to behave in imprudent ways for lust or love at some stage in their lives – everyone, that is, except his little brother. And, one day, without warning, the haughty Roman princess appeared and Arthur fell headlong……….

As the tumult subsides, Arthur is left with hiccupping shudders, pressed into the curve of Kai’s warm body. He looks so young, thinks Kai tenderly, with his cropped head and sleep-shadowed eyes. Too often we forget that he is still just a pup. Arthur’s hand caresses his brother’s golden cheek. “After……. Well, the Greek trader sailed………nothing seemed quite real somehow……”

Kai’s chest tightens as if girded by iron. He has to be certain, he must ask – whatever the reply…… “So everything that has happened recently …….and been said…….. between us…….has that been real?” Not daring to breathe, Kai waits – knowing that if the answer is no, he will simply never breathe again…….Since Yule he has not mistrusted for a heartbeat – every touch, every glance, every word has rung true………

Arthur looks up, his blue eyes stricken. “Oh my heart, I haven’t been deserving but you’ve been my only truth, do you doubt that ?”

Relief floods Kai, making every sinew weak like gosling down. In truth, he has never doubted – but still a hard won lesson, learning to gamble on your own heart, especially for such an ill-fated gambler as he is…….. In reparation, he bruises his mouth against Arthur’s, a hard fiery kiss that reduces the gosling down to ashy cinders……… Grinning Kai draws back, lacing his fingers through his little brother’s. “The one claim I can honestly make Arthur is that I have sometimes thought I would die from exhaustion lately” – his tone softens – “or happiness, but, either way it would be a contented death.”

Solaced, Arthur melts into Kai again, closing his eyes, feeling weariness and comfort wash over him in equal measure. “You should have talked to me beloved and I should have guessed.” Kai’s voice is almost a whisper. “Never being still…….hardly ever sleeping……..now with Rowena………I know what it is to punish yourself while you try and make recompense for the seemingly irredeemable…..when I was blinded by Goda…….”

He cups Arthur’s face fiercely between his hands. “So let me remind you what you told me then my love. That you are human and not made of stone. That being human means we are bound to falter and occasionally behave like moonstruck calves. That you have love enough from me, from Llud and your people to triumph over anything. Perhaps most important of all - that tears are not the mark of weakness but of power – since they betoken unspeakable love.”

Sniffling drowsily, Arthur lies down beside the fire, cradled in Kai’s embrace. “When did you become so wise big brother?” Kai smiles gently. “You’re not the first person to ask me that recently – and I’ll give you almost the same answer. I’ve been learning from my beautiful practical little brother for years………Now this storm isn’t going to blow itself out till morning. Llud is busy sheltering somewhere with Rowena and no doubt doing a spot of mending too – yes, our father to the rescue on yet another occasion. So, I think it’s about time for you to have your first decent sleep in God knows how long. And tomorrow you and I can go home.” He has to lean forward to hear Arthur’s dozy murmur. “My heart……that will be …….miraculous.”

“Well, aren’t you two a glad sight for my tired old eyes – alright Kai, my tired wily eyes. I knew you’d be waiting out the gale but I’m still relieved that you’re both alright.” Llud watches his sons dismount in front of the longhouse. There is something…….. they look ……….different somehow this morning……….. less vigilant…….easier with each other and the world………quietly content.

 

Suddenly he recalls an old superstition – witches are unable to abide water. If you are being chased by one the safest thing to do is ford a stream, dance in the rain, brave a tempest. Perhaps yesterday’s rainy squall has, at last, vanquished the witch from Rome. Exorcism by water……..

Laughing, Arthur nuzzles Bran’s white forehead. “I had to be rescued by Kai - but Bran was clever – and courageous – enough to keep himself safe.” Thoughtfully, Llud purses his lips. “There’s someone else waiting in the longhouse who has been courageous enough to return.” Looking up, Arthur spies Rowena peering curiously over the door sentry’s shoulder – then darting back inside the moment she feels his blue eyes meeting hers. Kai gives an amused laugh. “Good luck little brother.” He claps Arthur ruefully on the shoulder. “Remember – ducking is the better part of mettle……”

At least supper had been a more relaxed meal reflects Kai – apart from Lenni’s stormy countenance. Arthur and Rowena seem to have spent the day carpentering some sort of bridges. There has been a very public walk beside the river – a very public inspection of some breeding mares gifted from Yorath last summer – and now they are sitting cross-legged in front of the fire playing Latrunculi chess. Well, Kai can think of about a thousand more interesting things that he would be doing with a woman who loved him in that degree – especially as he is well aware that she and Arthur have done them together often enough before. But it is all still quite tentative, he supposes, and his generally cautious little brother will be even more inclined now to walk before he flies……..

Next time Kai glances up form his mead and conversation with Llud, he bursts out laughing. Sprawled out in front of the hearth, Rowena and Arthur are both sound asleep – obviously reconciliation is more tiring than he suspected. Llud rises from his chair, yawning. ‘Here, leave them.” He throws a blanket over his son and the Jutish princess. Neither stirs. “They’ll be warm enough till morning – and I’m certainly ready to meet Somnus.”

In the bedroom, Kai lies smiling, listening to Llud snore. The tilting world is plumb again – and his heart glows………. On impulse he climbs out of his bed and clambers into Arthur’s. Burying his face in the snowy sheepskins, Kai chuckles softly to himself. The fleeces hold Arthur’s scent – the fragrant oil they use for…….easement, the musky balm his little brother splashes on after shaving, the aromatic salve Lenni daubs on his healing scalp wound….. What had Arthur said yesterday? That the prospect of returning home would be miraculous? Well, right here, right now, he is being assailed by the perfume of miracles, by the essence of wonder…….

Part Five

“Here my Kai.” Grinning, Arthur throws a package wrapped in protective linen over to his big brother. “You can give this to Lenni when we get back. See if you can wheedle your way back into her good graces.” They are on their way home from the now calm estuary where the Greek trader has set up a series of temporary stalls along the beach. A week since the storm stuck – a lifetime in happiness, in contentment, in love……..

Kai looks curiously at the contents of the parcel. Material – creamy, sleek and silky. Well, he hopes Lenni likes it. He doesn’t know what the matter is with that girl lately. This morning, there she was merrily laughing with Arthur, until in he came and before you could blink, there were angry tears. And no good asking her what was wrong either – all he’d gotten in reply was some confusing gestures about Rowena finally being tied to her horse and chased into the woods during her visit while she……Then Lenni had simply flung the half-denuded chicken at him, told him rudely to pluck the bloody thing himself and stormed out of the longhouse, almost trampling a startled door sentry in her haste and rage.

So that was exactly what he proceeded to do – although there was the immediate concern of Arthur laughing so hard throughout the whole performance that his little brother almost heaved his breakfast into the rushes. But then that was the wonder and magic of it all – Arthur’s chuckling ringing around the room like the most beautiful music any bard ever produced. If Kai has to go out to the longhouse coop with his axe, sever the head from every quaking fowl and then strip their feathers with his teeth, he will gladly do it for the reward of that resounding joyous laughter……..

Yesterday Rowena had ridden back to Yorath’s looking…….. looking just like a woman blissfully, bottom over tit, in love Kai supposes. Wearing the ring that had once belonged to Arthur’s mother Vala on a chain around her neck. So, another nail hammered into place. Another die cast. A final enshrouding of Benedicta……..

Now, sighing, Kai secures the parcel across his horse’s rump. “This would be fine material for a marriage gown. It will do well when Lenni finally weds Alawn.” Arthur reins in Bran, gazing at his brother, bemused. “You do know that she is never ever going to marry Olwen’s brother don’t you?” Kai looks surprised. “Really? – I’ve always thought they’d be a good match………Why are you smiling like I’ve just said something highly amusing?” Not his secret to tell, muses Arthur, especially as Lenni has always been so trustworthy about keeping various other secrets close to her heart (although it will be something he reminds Kai of, laughing, a little over a year later when his big brother’s first son is born)………

Down below them in the valley nestles Arthur’s encampment, complacently aware that it has evaded all disdainful Roman princesses. Around it flows Arthur’s rich green fields, sickled by the gleaming river and the lily-strewn lake. He walks the white horse a few steps forward. “I’ve been blessed. This is a fine land.” Kai grins. “Mark would add – ‘and it is mine.’ ”

Firmly Arthur shakes his head, the afternoon wind ruffling his short black hair. “No, it belongs to my people.” Then he turns to Kai and simply gazes……… “All that I need to be mine I can see in this moment…..” For answer, Kai leans from horseback and shields Arthur’s mouth with his own……

From Arthur’s dreamy expression, Kai is ready for gentle and starry-eyed – for soothing kisses and dewy embraces. And so it does begin among the dappled shadows………in the glade where once they made love for the very first time.

But then the midnight blue of Arthur’s eyes darkens almost to ebony, his fingers massaging Kai’s bare back and buttocks begin to sear, his lips caressing Kai’s golden thighs and arse cheeks start to singe……..

Spreading Kai’s cheeks wider, he blows teasing breaths over his hole, recklessly licking, engulfing, nibbling…….the satiny indentation between Kai’s dusky cleft and flaxen balls, the glistening skin around his pucker. Spurning the sweet-smelling oil in their saddle bags, Arthur employs his moist tongue, making everywhere wet and warm in readiness, snaking it nimbly in and out, around and round in wild wide circles as Kai moans and writhes, pleading for more, deeper, further...

With one delicious upward swing of his tongue, Arthur finds Kai’s achingly swollen shaft, sweeping in a long stormy lick from the base to the rim, over the head, lingering at the tender hole in the centre. Kai melts in elation as he feels Arthur’s warm soft mouth embracing his prick, sucking his balls,……..Arthur’s lips sliding down until they fill each other utterly…….both swaying on an exquisite brink…..

Bellowing his welcome, Kai enfolds Arthur’s rigid cock within his deep-seated kernel, pushing his arse ferociously back against his little brother’s straddling thighs, shuddering as Arthur’s avaricious fingers stroke and ripple across his throbbing prick……….his head whirls – colliding galaxies, starry serenades, diving head-first into shimmering spheres………

He knows that he weeps as they crest the zenith together, roaring and pounding, his hand entwined around Arthur’s, pledging through his joyous tears that he will never ever let go……..

They are stabling their horses when Llud comes in frowning. “That damn owl has been calling again today – another stormy squall is on its way soon.” He sighs. ‘Oh well, I’m sure we’ll survive and perhaps even emerge stronger. Alright, hurry you two – supper is ready.” Smiling now, he ducks back outside. .…….

Laughing, mindful of the farm hands working in the corner, Kai gives Arthur a playful push. “Yes, come on little brother. All that…….. bartering has left me with quite an appetite.” He is almost at the door when he becomes aware of Arthur’s breath brushing against his ear, weakening his knees….. when he hears the words that will forever enkindle his soul……. “So we live on the heels of war and tempest, my heart – no matter, the one voice that will always whisper above the thunder will be your love.”


End file.
